Guard Your Heart

It's been over a year since I've written in this blog. I thought I was done blogging, but God's been impressing some things on my heart that I want to share. Living in a dorm full of girls, it's easy to encounter conflict. Being a full time student and being engaged to a man who is a full time seminary student, and trying to plan a wedding, find a place to live, and a job to work after we get married...it's easy to encounter conflict. I'm studying the book of James in one of my classes and the past few weeks we have been talking about the importance of bridling our tongues and also that the reason for conflict and fighting is because of our personal selfish desires. When people get in our way of what we want (whether consciously or unconsciously), we take them down either with our words or our actions. And when you're caught in the middle of conflict, it is beyond easy to place yourself higher than the other and claim you are doing everything right and the other person is wrong or has some spiritual issue. Sounds silly, but seriously, next time you're in conflict, stop and examine yourself. That is what you think. This week I've been battling with why I seem to always be in conflict with others. Why can't there ever be any peace? Why is everyone close to me selfish and mean? I've been searching for God's purpose in placing me in certain situations. Today, He finally broke my stubborn heart. My professor quoted Proverbs 4:23. "Guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." In the context of our class period, she was relating it to quarreling and fighting due to our selfish motives. Growing up in a Christian environment, this verse is always quoted to high school girls who can't control their emotions towards guys. I have never, ever, ever heard this verse used in any other context. So I decided to look it up myself and study it a little. Here's what I found: Proverbs 4:20-27 Listen to the wisdom of God. Let the words never leave my sight and may they always be in my heart. God's Word and His wisdom gives me life! It can heal my selfishness, my flesh! I must guard my heart against crooked speech and devious talk. Why? Because those things will effect how I live, act, and think. "For everything you do flows from it." I must not take my eyes off the prize of Jesus Christ. I must run straight, not swerving to the left in jealousy or to the right in anger. Gazing straight will make my way sure. Why am I experiencing so much conflict? James tells me it's because I'm selfish. How did I get that way? Proverbs tells me it's because I have failed at guarding my heart. I have let the wisdom of God out of my sight. I have allowed crooked speech and devious talk to become my main way of communication. I have taken my eyes off of Jesus and instead placed them on the possessions of others or the circumstances of others. I have allowed myself to swerve off the righteous path of Jesus Christ. My sin has poisoned my heart. My failure to guard my heart from sin is why my life is filled with conflict. It is my spiritual health that is affecting my own life, not the spiritual health of others. Until I learn to accept that, I will always be in battle whether between me and God or me and others. May God continue breaking me. Restore me. Set me on the right path. Keep me far from evil speech. Free me from the world, and cleanse my sinful heart.